My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
