From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
