His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
