help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
