Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize