i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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