i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
