Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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