"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
