We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
