so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
