You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
