there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
