Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize