I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize