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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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