Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
