Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
