he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
