I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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