All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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