totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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