He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize