Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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