Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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