dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
