I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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