I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
