Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
