Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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