I'm so fucking centered right now
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
