i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
