Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
