I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
