I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize