Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
