They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
