Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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