Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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