I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
