Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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