I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
