can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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