it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
a search helicopter?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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