two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
