I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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