Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize