I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
