I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize