Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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