is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
