You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
