living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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