I'm jealous of your bromance
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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