i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
