the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize