is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
