college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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