well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
