She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
