I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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