oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
