well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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