ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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