3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
