Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
