Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
