the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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