I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
