These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
