U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
its liver damage thursday
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
