just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
