Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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