sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
