Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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