It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
