We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize