If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
