just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
