the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
