my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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