we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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