she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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