hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
