they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
