If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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