I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
