Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
