ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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