i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize