Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
