I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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