I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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