If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
