The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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