Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize