How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
