i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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