it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
