Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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