He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
