I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
