your room smells of hookers.
And success
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize