He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
