"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
