So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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