So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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