Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize