he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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