im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
