Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
