Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if only i could text you this smell
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
