I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
