Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
