I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
